Full disclosure…DEFINITELY NOT a professional blogger here. Just one middle-American-woman who’s lost in the sauce over recently discovering a “truth” which has always been evident. And that truth is…I’m married to a narcissist. I know…I know…I’m still digesting this and at times, I’m over whelmed by the gravity of what this represents or could represent. My mind is a mess, my heart is torn, and my life…well…it’s limping along.
I could begin by dragging you through years and years of detestable behavior on the part of my husband… not to mention, the ways I reacted to or retaliated against him…in a fruitless effort to improve our star-crossed existence as a couple. However…there are a hundred thousand stories such as these in relationships across the golden plains, so… lets not. I’ll skip ahead to a few weeks ago. This would be the time in which, thanks to a close relative, I really dove into what it meant to be a narcissist. Before this, I’d glazed over cute little quotes from sites like Pinterest of Facebook, referencing traits of narcissists…with out giving them much more than a passing glance. And truthfully, I don’t think I’d of ever really given the topic any thought if it hadn’t been for my relative. They’d lovingly suggested I look up a psychologist on you-tube who specialized in narcissism, because they thought I’d really get a lot out of it. So…I did. And well…I sure did. I watched video after video, listening to the ‘good doctor’ describe my husband to the letter. And with each video, I scrambled to make sense of what this meant for me. If I believed the man in these videos…then it meant that I’d never really been loved. I’d just been a pawn in a long game of being used for deeply psychological reasons even unknown to the user; due to a brain disorder caused in early child hood by trauma of some kind. (Which stunted his ability to feel empathy or recognize others as equals and somehow, along the way, become a perpetual user who in essence sucked the souls from anyone who tried to love him in an intimate sort of way; because he needed to protect his venerability…he has to appear in charge.) I’d have to believe that I’d continue to never be good enough, or change enough, or obey enough, for my husband in any measure…that he would never see me as a valued and valuable human being that deserved curtesy, respect, kindness, dignity, love, or honor. And must stunning of all… I would have to believe and accept that there was absolutely and unequivocally NO HOPE that my relationship would ever get any better… EVER! And even deeper a horror for me…facing the presumptive reality that if I stay with this man…I WILL NEVER EVER HAVE A CHANCE TO BE HAPPY! Wow…
As in most “diagnosis” of bad news… the hearer wants to live in denial for a bit, then there’s the next step of bargaining… I’m basically in-between those two stages right now. I know my husband has this condition… yet… somehow I wonder could I find a way to live with it? And not be swallowed up in complete and total misery… Are there instances where a couple somehow worked through the acknowledgement of this circumstance, and came out on top? So far… I’ve not learned of any positive outcomes… Just account after account of where you have to untangle yourself from your narcissist partner… to be begin the healing process. I don’t like thinking about this because it means my children will suffer… I’d have to figure out some pretty important logistical changes as well… really, it’s so much to think about.
What a fantabulous Easter!
It’s always refreshing to take time to really remember Christ rising from the physical dead. This is the Awesome thing that sets Jesus apart from all other religions. I’m proud and humbled duely, that I answered YES when HE gave me the oportunity to be saved.
Well, have a great day!
Wow! There are just no words right now. I’m livid regarding my cell phone carrier. Sigh! My hubby bought me a Touch Screen for Christmas just last year so a little over three months ago. The thing has given me nothing but issues this whole time. They’ve sent me two replacement phones to resolve the issues and this hasn’t worked either. So after yet another long conversation with tech support, they agreed to comp me a phone which is worth more monetarily but has the same features. Ok, maybe now we’re getting some where. Not really. I was suposed to receive the phone last Monday a week ago…and wouldn’t you know it, they sent it to the wrong address. Really! And not just any wrong address, an address I lived at over three years ago. Now you’d think that after they had my correct address on file since I was able to receive the two replacement phones previous to this, that there wouldn’t be an address issue. Again-sigh. I’m so through! I’ve all but lost my temper with them. The only thing holding me back is I’d regret cursing them out once I’d finished. I usually try and handle my business professionally… So now, I’m still waiting…an additional two to three days, or more, who knows?????
But on a positive note: The rest of my world is finally in order after some serious rehashing which relieved a river of pent up stress, frustration and resentment. So what do they say…count your blessings. 🙂
Ok…I hope you had a good day. Mine, well, was so so. I was thinking about how when we’re young girls we tend to dream of this fairy tale kind of man “prince” who will one day make all our dreams come true. Than when we actually start dating as adults we change this to a man who will treat us right with some tenderness and romance along the way. I’m at the point I just want to be friends with him more than anything else. I don’t know. Even this is a looming challenge. We’re two completely different people in just about every way with the exception of our devotion to Jesus Christ. You’d think that two people who professed to be Christians and who make the most of each day to ‘walk the walk’, would get along well. But we do not. I find myself at peace when he isn’t here. I’ve no interest in a divorce because I believe in the sanctity of marriage, but there has to be a happy medium some where. I just can’t seem to find it.
Really I believe the core issue is him trying to change me, always. Ever since the beginning. Over the years I’ve mingled or muddled my role as a Christian Wife to the point that I don’t know who I am anymore. Because I’ve changed so much, in attempts to cater to him.
I’m not asking for pity…I’m just venting really. And since I’m very new to Word Press there’s little chance of anyone reading this post.
I want my Prince. A real one. I know they exist somewhere. The man who appreciates the different view points between he and his wife. The man that seeks to bring a smile to her face daily. The man who works hard and loves his kids. The man who looks forward to coming home each day to a hot meal and good dinner conversation with his wife…
Whooo, I’m just at the end of this slippery rope, mind you. Living under the precious guide lines of the Bible, which I don’t mind…however, why do men…professed Godly men, believe that being the “head of the home” means that every want and whim they possess should be adhered to with out fail? All the way down to the way their bread is buttered, or the direction in which to fold a towel, when and how often a woman should speak…To me this isn’t leading your home, it’s residing as dictator over it. I’m not a Biblical scholar, but I do know enough that the scripture states the man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. And last I checked, God doesn’t care how one folds clothes. Love is an action word, not so much that fuzzy emotion that clouds our vision when we meet that “perfect” some one we just know we’ll spend the rest of our lives with. Love has to do with forgiveness, patience, understanding, acceptance, and reality. Reality is this: in marriage there are two different people coming together with different back rounds, different likes and dis likes, and different opinions, preferences and out looks on life in general. These differences should be embraced, not erased. If a man wants to control every facet of his wife, why not have married a robot instead. Marriage can not work as God intended when one party is trying with everything in them to rule over the other. Marriage is a partnership. Sometimes the man takes the lead and other times the woman, while staying with in the realm of God’s prescribed roles for us.
Seriously people, a little study goes along way. A house divided can not stand. Neither can a marriage.
-Have a gracious day.-
-Be kind to everyone, everyone is having a tough time.-